Life With Lyme: Where Did I Go?



I was gone.


Sophia hit the road

disappeared without a trace

abducted by aliens

sent packing

kept on truckin' and ran off the road

shot the breeze and was blown away


It was as though someone took a brush to my brain and personality and painted me and everything around me a drab gray. 


I was as flat as the asphalt in Death Valley. My joy in life was ripped viciously from my heart. My brain settled into a fogged vision of reality, disconnected and no longer a part of me.


I had no motivation. I started feeling anxious and socially inept. I developed extreme environmental sensitivities. If someone was smoking a cigarette in Denmark; I knew it. Bright light hurt my brain. Loud noises were excruciating. My memory started deteriorating. I couldn't remember words and would falter in my sentences. I think my IQ dropped 50 points. I thought I was sensitive before, but after the bite, I felt like I was skinless. I couldn't make decisions anymore. I remember standing in a grocery aisle and trying like crazy to decide between 2 different brands of vegetables. I'm surprised I'm still not there wondering which one to choose.


It was a very lonely time. Dan worked long hours while I lay on the couch watching day time TV (talk about depressing). It was hard to concentrate so I couldn't always read. I'm sure I watched every episode of The Frugal Gourmet. I still use his recipe for the best hummus ever. One time Dan came home and I was watching medical programming. Surgeons were operating on someone's spinal cord. What can I say, I was desperate. 


I had a large studio with a darkroom in our storefront building. I hardly used it. Everything was exhausting. I had many ideas but I didn't have the physical or mental energy to follow through. 


I kept asking myself what the hell was wrong with me. Some days were better than others, but if I was stressed in any way, I would relapse. I lost a much beloved friend and was shattered by an emotionally unstable family member. It took a long time to recover from that relapse and also started my 30 year odyssey with conventional medicine and uninsured alternative healing. (Thanks for not throwing me out on my ass, Dan!)


I started becoming reclusive. Family and friends would try to make plans and I would become anxious. Sometimes I would forget appointments and would cause people to be angry or disappointed which further screwed me up due to guilt. 


I had become an unholy mess.


I was really gone.




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